Bizarre Bans and Strange Suspensions

Is there such a thing as too politically correct?  I read this interesting article called 20 Weird Things Banned from Schools.  Some bans are truly odd.  Others make sense to me. In fact, some of the bans aren’t as odd as the items being banned. Before I lay these bizarre truisms entirely at school boards’ doorsteps, keep in mind that behind these bans are often angry, delusional parents. That said:

I (heart) Boobies bracelets 
THE VERDICT:  I agree entirely with this one in the Elementary panel. “Boobies” is a silly slang for breasts and it’s wrong to use it around children. The bracelet itself is inappropriate.  I (heart) Breasts isn’t any better, since the whether the bracelet belongs in a school where young children have no comprehension of cancer, is up for debate.

suspensions for wearing the bracelets
THE VERDICT:  Truly unnecessary.  Tell the kids to take off the bracelets or go home.

ban on Yoga pants as part of a dress code.
THE VERDICT:  Undecided.  I’m used to seeing women of all ages wearing them. Even some teachers in my school wear tight yoga pants with long shirts over them (personally, I wouldn’t follow suit -pun – because they are unprofessional). Likewise, the Ottawa school that banned the tight outerwear, stated the girls can wear them with a long shirt. Perfectly reasonable. While we’re on this topic, here’s a pathetic scenario for you: when I worked for the PRP (Peel Regional Police) eons ago, a middle-aged woman (a secretary) visited her office (mostly men – and cops at that), in nothing but tight, black workout pants (not the Yoga pants that are in today). I mean, seriously.  She didn’t have the slender figure to look good in them. Pitiful play for attention.

Hugging
THE VERDICT: Outrageously stupid. I suppose schools are trying to prevent sexual harassment via unwanted touching. To quote: Respecting personal space and “unsuitable interactions” between students. Whatever.

Hand Holding
THE VERDICT: Pathetic. This ban cites a “gateway sexual activity“.

Red Ink
THE VERDICT: Is there life on Mars? A UK school has banned teachers from grading papers with red ink, but they are allowed to use green ink, because red looks confrontational.  Is this a complicated case of red-green colour blindness?

Dodge Ball
THE VERDICT: Patently absurd. This school better dodge a maelstrom of criticism. That may prove more damaging than dodge ball injuries.

Balls
THE VERDICT: There are so many levels I could take this one, however, this is a kid-friendly blog so i shall behave myself. The ban applies to “hard balls” (stop that, you) after a child was hit in the head by a hard ball and suffered an injury. I have an idea: allow the balls and issue every student in the school a safety helmet to wear on the yard. That makes about as much sense.

Non-Motorized Transportation.
THE VERDICT: The lunatics are taking over the asylum. I can understand how roller skates, bicycles and skateboards can be construed as morally corrupt, of course, but their use is a great way to avoid obesity.

Bake Sales
THE VERDICT: Agreed. However, not for the reason that the school suggests, which is that bake sales serve innutritious food. You gotta have treats sometimes. It clashes with schools’ efforts to encourage children to eat healthy school lunches, but I’m more concerned about Ontario’s Sabrina’s Law Regulation. Children aren’t allowed to bring in treats for parties, nor are they allowed to share lunches ever since a law passed in honour of a little girl named Sabrina, who died of anaphylactic shock in 2003, after eating french fries with a nut ingredient, supplied by another student.

Black Makeup
THE VERDICT: Agreed, provided it applies to girls and boys. It was a boy who was sent home from a school for wearing black lipstick, eyeliner and nail polish. This conflicted with the school dress code policy. I’m in agreement only because of the goth look of the makeup, not because he wore makeup. However, in this case it wasn’t the goth look that inspired the ban. The school doesn’t allow boys to wear makeup.

Silly Bandz
THE VERDICT: Ridiculous.  I’ve never heard of Silly Bandz until now. I’m sure kids in our school have worn them. So what? Can’t children be allowed to pass through their “kid” phases to any degree today?

Best Friends
THE VERDICT: Amoral.  Aren’t they throwing out the baby with the bath water, so to speak? Encouraging love and kindness at school, then prohibiting friends is quite at odds in my book.

Dinosaurs
THE VERDICT: Illegal – the schools are driving the dinosaurs to extinction. But wait, there’s more: no using these words in case they offend some students:

  1. poverty
  2. dancing
  3. Halloween
  4. birthdays…okay so I agree with this one.  I refuse to have another one, even as I age against my will.

Ugg Boots
THE VERDICT: I love those furry, little boots. Admittedly, when worn with the banned Yoga pants, that is a rather sexy combination. The reason for the ban however is that Ugg Boots can be used for storing “contraband” like cell phones. No reason to panic: I’m sure that when Ugg Boots start ringing in class, it won’t be difficult to figure that one out.

Baggy Pants
THE VERDICT: Agreed. These are not the completely sexless baggies of the early 80’s. These apply to boys who tend to pull them down over their underwear to give everyone a good look (gross). The style is also associated with gang-related dress code.

Skinny Jeans
THE VERDICT: Only if the wearer herself is skinny, otherwise, SKs are a moot point.  Just kidding.  Disagreed. Teachers wear SKs to school. It’s just another denim style that will come and go on the (rather ugly) fashion treadmill. If you’re going to wear them, skip the flats at least.

Winning
THE VERDICT: Inane. (At first I thought it said whining and I turned a cart-wheel … also banned … sebowse below). In life there are always winners and losers. Period. Teaching students that they never win and never lose is teaching them they live in Rainbow-Brite world. Not a very sensible life lesson for post-grads. And it would really pee off Charlie Sheen and his tiger blood.

Hair Bows
THE VERDICT: Certainly raises a few eyebrow (hairs). This kid is adorable. Lady Ga-Ga?  I would never have guessed and besides, it’s cute.

Cart-wheels
THE VERDICT: If you can do them without throwing your back out, kudos to you.

Christmas
THE VERDICT: No Virginia, there isn’t a Santa Claus.

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